‘So full of life he almost bounced’ There are no words than can describe the feeling when you first hold your newborn child The thrill of the first steps, the first words, the first time they call you ‘mummy’. For many years I was Josh’s mummy, until one day we realised I needed to be called something else. And thats when I became ‘Mother’… Mother do this, do that, do my washing, pick me up, can we have another party…. He had me wrapped around his finger and he knew it. I’d do anything for him. We’d joked the other night that he really did have to start learning some basic life skills… Yes he was lazy, messy, and one of his greatest pleasures in life was winding his girlies up. But he was also the most generous and affectionate person I think I have ever known. I realised the other day that I have never heard him say a bad word about anyone. And I will always cherish the times now when he’d come towards me wearing his silly hat, with his manly chest, his girlie jewellery, his trousers halfway down his bum, reeking of aftershave. And he’d lay his head on me. And he’d say…. ‘mummy’… It’s very early days, I cannot even describe the pain. I honestly don’t know how to go on. But I will. Josh left two sisters, Hattie aged 16 and Alicia aged 11. And I have made a promise to him - those girls will go on and have the best life possible. I will and must make it happen. And in the meantime, I will do everything possible to ensure that his life was not in vain. I’m recording a song, writing a diary… and when I am stronger I will try to campaign to raise driving awareness, try to do something, anything…. My Song My heart and head are fit to burst Crowded memories, or were they all just a dream… Of when we were four So hard to believe now that I had you in my life And I’m trying to celebrate those years and think with happiness But so far to me, all I can think is that your life was in vain You walked out of that door and it hurts that we didn’t say goodbye What am I saying, it hurts? It is the raw agony of a mother’s loss As I slept that night, the love, the hopes, the dreams were wiped out In one split second your life was over Taken away from me and I’m so angry my boy Dying inside, how do we go on And all around us the sun is shining, the world is the still the same Everyone so full of life and hope. Cruel world. The music has gone now, frozen in time It ended that day. And your friends, your friends are fading away And all I have now is a memory of the person that I was proud to be I hope you are happy where you are I pray that you are surrounded by love I pray that you don’t know who you used to be, that all you are is happy We will go on, we will go on…. we will make the most of our remaining lives That is my promise to you, you wouldn’t want this There will be happiness again after the emptiness Dying inside, how do we go on And all around us the sun is shining, the world is still the same Everyone so full of life and hope. Cruel world. And as I sit here now, the birds are singing And I know you are there, you are waiting And one day I know we will be there with you, together again Time to say goodbye now my beautiful beautiful boy And for the rest of our time on earth You know we will be, forever be four… Thank you to Jane at BrakeCare. Debbie